What We Want From Our Pollies in 2012

auspol:

Rather than writing a summary of the year in politics, I thought I would look ahead to 2012. No, I am not going to predict what is going to happen in the world of politics, but rather, summarise what we would all like to see from our politicians.

Obviously, there is always a great disparity between what the public want to see and what they do in fact get to see.

Nonetheless, here’s for a better 2012:

What We Want From Our Politicians

Julia Gillard

• To not make reference in any shape or form to Australia’s “working families”
• To stage a leadership vote so the ALP can determine once and for all who they want to lead them in 2012
• To not do another 60 minutes special
• To not mention Tony’s “mindless negativity”, ever again. We all know it exists.

Tony Abbott

• To call Julia Prime Minister Gillard
• To stop being mindlessly negative
• To take a valium
• To allow the factories, farms and fish markets of the nation to go for a year without his insistence on learning how to operate their various machinery.
• To try on board shorts. I can personally assure him that they are more comfortable and aesthetically pleasing than speedos.

Bob Brown

• To go for one entire press conference without saying ‘Um’
• To release a realistic policy
• To retire

Julie Bishop

• To try, just try, to look less intimidating
• To throw out her hairspray. The natural look is in for 2012.

Kevin Rudd

• To limit his travel to, well let’s say, one country a month. This can’t possibly be asking too much
• To perform an unpublicised act of good will
• To challenge Julia Gillard to a leadership battle so, like said above, the issue is put to rest.
• To return to his 2007 weight

Christopher Pyne

• To go the year without speaking

Wayne Swan

• To go the year without speaking

Chris Bowen

• To spend a night in an Immigration Detention Centre
• To keep at all times a handkerchief handy to wipe the sweat of his brow
• Oh, and of course, solve the Boat People issue (however that may be)

Scott Morrison

• To bunk with Chris Bowen for a night in an Immigration Detention Centre

Senator Sarah Hanson-Young

• To go one immigration press conference without crying
• To hand over one of her portfolio areas to another one of her greens colleagues. It’s not that I don’t think she is doing a cracker of a job at not shutting up, it’s just that I think 9 portfolios is a few too many

Tanya Plibersek

• To limit her presence on ABC’s Q&A to say, once a month

Bob Katter

• To hold a full press conference devoid of a single sexist, homophobic, xenophobic remark
• To take his hat off
• To deregister his ‘Australia Party’. Honestly, what an uncreative name

Well this is one of the biggest piles of DERP I’ve read recently.

(via la-boca-del-infierno)

4 months ago  /  25 notes  /  Source: auspol